The following is from this book: Iorg, Jeff. The Character of Leadership: Nine Qualities That Define Great Leaders. Nashville: B&H, 2007.

Changing a core understanding like your source of security happens at both a point in time and as a process over time. It starts by accepting the truth that the only legitimate source of security is a relationship with God through Jesus Christ. That is a “point in time” decision you must make based on truth—revealed, absolute, nonnegotiable truth from the Bible.

Hammering down that stake, affirming your conviction about your security is the first step.

The second step is more challenging. You must practice the spiritual discipline of confronting wrong thinking, destructive behavior, and bad habits built on your foundation of false security. This requires meditation, prayer, reflection, accountability, and difficult choices. Foundational to these disciplines is renewing your mind through Scripture memory. Choose key passages about your security in Jesus Christ and commit them to memory. Allow them to reprogram your thinking—to renew your mind—and give you a new outlook on yourself and what gives you true worth. When you do this, real change will come through real choices.

For me, this meant making an intentional choice to give up some decision-making responsibilities and attending every church meeting. It was a choice to trust people and live with mistakes that would be made. It was making a specific choice to be less controlling, realizing my personal worth was not determined by the actions or opinions of others.

For me, this meant relaxing as a parent and making decisions about my children based on their welfare, not what others thought of me as a parent. It means critics are an ever-present reality but their criticism does not define who I am, how I must respond, what I must do, or how I feel about myself as a leader.

These are specific examples of me facing the hard reality that insecurity motivated my actions. Insecurity was driving me both to control people and please them inappropriately. It was a toxic mix!

These are frank admissions. Now, what about you? Will you be as honest with yourself and with God? What are you doing that reveals a wrong source of security? Will you change? How will you change?

Do not be discouraged if this is a prolonged process. I still pray often, meditating on Scripture affirming my security in Jesus, and asking for strength to make decisions in obedience to him alone. Temptation entices me to give in to old patterns. But the good news is those temptations are waning as years of walking in new truth about security creates new and better habits.

God wants you to be secure in him and lead out of that powerful certainty. Break the bondage of insecurity and devilish false security from sources that can never satisfy. Become a secure leader in Jesus Christ.