The following note was taken from
Tucker, R. A. (2004). From Jerusalem to Irian Jaya: A Biographical History of Christian Missions (Second Edition.). Grand Rapids, MI: Zondervan.
That is a book that I suggest all to read.
In the aftermath of the Yangchow controversy, as critical newspaper editorials and private letters reached China, Taylor became deeply depressed—so much so that he lost his will to go on, even being tempted to end his own life. He was confronting the most serious spiritual battle of his life: “I hated myself; I hated my sin; and yet I gained no strength against it.” The more he sought to attain spirituality, the less satisfaction he found: “Every day, almost every hour, the consciousness of failure and sin oppressed me.” He was at the point of a mental collapse when he was, by his own account, rescued by a friend. Aware of Taylor’s problem, the friend, in a letter, shared his own secret to spiritual living: “To let my loving Savior work in me His will.… Abiding, not striving or struggling.… Not a striving to have faith, or to increase our faith but a looking at the faithful one seems all we need.” With that letter Taylor’s life was changed: “God has made me a new man.”
You are not alone. You are in a spiritual war. Satan would destroy you. You must learn to trust and rest in the Lord. I still struggle with this. I want to fight my own battles. I want to be more faithful. I want to work at making God like me and use me.
He has called us to trust Him. Let Him work in your life. Read this paragraph again and see how Taylor God rest!